John, I don’t know what to say. But I used to feel your same pain.
Analyzing all these circumstances about your life reinforces that it will continue.
You may want to consider seeing beyond all these thoughts that you call your emotional home. You may want to consider an upgrade. This is possible.
This is a matter of seeing what thoughts are. They are damn thoughts. A pointer to life. Good at creating things. But thoughts are not life itself.
When we make them our life, we suffer.
I am about freedom. Freedom is available but you have to want this for you.
You have to risk that you are better off being vulnerable and letting go than holding onto negative energy wrapped up in your thoughts… for survival.
Survival and protection of what???
Life is too short to be stressed out, anxious and depressed. That is a decision.
The freedom may not show immediately. But it begins with a decision.